Okay, so keyofnik said she would really love to see a gargantuan amounts of friendship world tour post set outside the US. Everyone’s accounts have been amazing and so funny and in-character and I don’t know if I can live up to that, but I really want to try, so here goes.
So everybody knows that Australia is all the way down here in the middle of nowhere, but the good news is that relatively speaking, Japan isn’t so far away. The girls manage to book a flight that gets them from Tokyo to Sydney city without any stopovers that takes a little over ten hours (and considering it takes about 5-6 hours just to fly from one end of Australia to the other, this really isn’t so bad). Ami provides Makoto with a generous supply of valium beforehand (they didn’t have a prescription, but Ami is confident that the ends justify the means. Minako is delighted by this promising blossoming criminal streak in her friend).
Mako spends the entire flight slumped down in her seat with a baseball cap pulled over her eyes. Ami sits besides her and wards off interfering flight attendants who keep trying to wake Mako up and offer her a pillow with her best polite-but-intimidating smile. It works about as well as you’d think. Minako tries to flirt her way into getting free drinks and snacks and eventually they force an orange juice and packet of cookies on her just to shut her up. Usagi demands half the cookies. Usagi gets half the cookies.
Speaking of Usagi, she’s sitting at a window seat, and manages to fill her digital camera to capacity taking endless photos of the clouds from above. (“How about you save some photos for the actual trip Usagi?” “But look at them now Rei-chan it’s so pretty!” “They’re just clouds Usagi for Christ’s sake keep your voice down stop embarrassing me.” “But now I can see patterns in the clouds and they look like pancakes.”)
Once off the plane the others form a protective little cluster around Mako, who is only semi-conscious and still coming down from her valium high, in order to get through customs as quickly and painlessly as possible. They manage without much of a problem and everything should be wonderful now, right? But none of the girls have thought to factor in a couple of things.
Minako was so sure her time in England would have prepared her efficiently for all of their communication needs. Oh Minako. Minako. You poor naive fool.
You see, no one in Australia actually speaks English. We speak a language that to the uninitiated might seem a lot like English at first, but after facing the combination of heavy Aussie accent, ridiculous slang, and the slurring of words and phrases that only comes from the most profound levels of not-giving-a-fuck, Minako (and Ami to an extent) quickly realise they must adjust their expectations and adapt to meet this new, infuriating challenge. Fortunately for them, Sydney is pretty tourist friendly, and the accent is nowhere near as strong or incomprehensible as it would be westwards.
Unfortunately for them, the girls have decided to visit Sydney in late December. Minako, with all of her English background, convinced the girls that since they were visiting Sydney, they needed to attend a game of the Ashes Test Series (Australia vs. England cricket series that’s held December-January). Does Minako even follow the Ashes? Does she enjoy cricket? Who knows. This is Minako we’re talking about. But she managed to convince Rei it was the height of Australian culture, and that was all that was required to secure both their tickets and their attendance at the game.
Minako (possibly?? with beer??) aside, not one of the girls would enjoy themselves at a Test match. Not even Mako, who may have found the experience more enjoyable was this not December, and if the temperature wasn’t north of 40 degrees Celsius (104+ Fahrenheit). Despite Ami’s gentle warnings and reminders to apply sunscreen and stay hydrated, Usagi still manages to get a touch of sunstroke, and eventually her whimpers convince the others they should probably leave early. Rei staunchly refuses to admit how grateful she is for the excuse to leave.
With luck though, the temperature would cool off a little for the remainder of their trip, and the girls would have a more enjoyable time. Like when they decide to visit the Luna Park amusement park and ride all of the rides ever, even though Usagi is a little intimidated by the thought of going on a rollercoaster because they’re so big and look a little scary, and Rei tells her not to be such a baby and then they get there and see the rollercoaster at Luna Park is called the Wild Mouse and the cars look like this -
- and then Usagi doesn’t feel so scared anymore, because Rei-chan it’s so cute. They end up riding the Mouse a few times actually because Usagi is so charmed by it, even though the track is old and bumpy and makes your ass go numb. The others actually want to try the other rides though, and finally manage to drag Usagi away with the promise of fairy floss (which is such a prettier name than cotton candy, far more fitting for a moon princess).
I think they’d also want to do a Harbour Bridge climb, because it’s a beautiful view and very culturally significant and all that, and fuck it, all of this is probably going on Rei’s father’s credit card, anyway. Ami and Rei especially are quite taken with the architecture of the Sydney Opera House, though Rei is very careful not to appear too overly touristy about it. She makes sure she only takes pictures in the most nonchalant fashion possible. The climb isn’t easy and Usagi would probably be exhausted about a quarter of the way up (and maybe don’t look straight down once you’re at the top Usagi, at least not unless you’re holding onto Rei’s arm or Mako’s waist for dear life), but the others would be able to keep her going, especially once they got up to the top and Usagi got to see the view. Then it would be all about how beautiful it all was and how people propose to each other on this bridge all the time and oh how romantic I wish Mamo-chan was here Minako-chan why are you making that face at me?
I think Mako would enjoy the food here too; it’s sort of a mish-mash of everything with fresh seafood featuring heavily. Mako tries fresh Barramundi fish for the first time, and comes up with about six new recipe ideas in her head instantly. They go out to dinner on the harbour almost every night, at tables right out next to the water, which is also very romantic yes okay Usagi I’m sure Mamoru will bring you back here just you and him some day. They’d get to try more than their fair share of wine, and I can see them all being quite taken with how sweet and floral Australian Moscato is (if I sound like a snobby wine connoisseur I’m really sorry and I promise I’m not, it’s just that I can literally drink buckets of this stuff. Buckets). Rei would of course also immerse herself in the coffee culture. Her finger is on the pulse, after all.
The girls would also visit Taronga Zoo. Rei would remark how the lazy, laid back kangaroos that never ever stop eating remind her of a certain princess friend of theirs. Everyone gets to hold a koala. Oh my God, the pictures upon pictures of holding koalas. They’d go to the reptile world exhibit, and the best part is they have their own utterly knowledgeable blue-haired guide right there to tell them how gruesomely poisonous and deadly everything is in this country. They’d go to Sydney aquarium, and again. Emphasis on how gruesomely poisonous and deadly everything is in this country. They could even do an Indigenous Australian bush food tour. Mako would adore the Lemon Myrtle. Everyone loves Macadamia nuts. One of the girls perfectly times a picture of Usagi stuffing a handful of pale berries in her mouth, only to discover how sour they are.
Anyway, I’m sorry because this is getting ridiculously long, so I should probably end it with one last staple of the Gargantuan Amounts of Friendship World Tour; the girls getting piss-drunk at a Sydney pub and Minako leading the whole room through Men At Work’s Down Under in her best attempt at an Australian accent. “DO YOU COME FROM THE LAND DAHN UNDA?! WHERE WOMEN GLOW AND MEN PLUNDA?!”
Minako has about seventeen alternative theories about why Australia is called the “land down under”, by the way. Precisely all of them are filthy.
DO NOT APOLOGIZE ARE YOU MAD THIS WAS AMAZING
I had so much fun with everything here, I can’t even say all the parts because just read the fucking post, there they are. But all the girls with koalas, omg.
I deeply love every single visual we keep coming up with re: drugged to heaven Mako. All the girls surrounding her protectively until she’s okay again, I will smile every time.
Rei the tourist trying so hard to not be a tourist. PERFECTION.
Ami with her endless lectures on how everything can kill you. (Ami has become seananmcguire.)
“One of the girls perfectly times a picture of Usagi stuffing a handful of pale berries in her mouth, only to discover how sour they are.” OFFICIAL REQUEST TO HAVE THIS DRAWN IN SOME CAPACITY.
And Minako singing “Down Under” in the most horrifically exaggerated Australian accent OF ALL TIME. AND PROBABLY STILL BEING A HUGE HIT.
Loved this. LOVED.
i love catfish so much because they act like theyre fbi agents or something when theyre really just using reverse google image search
i thought you meant the animal and let me tell you that was a wild minute of me trying to figure out the psychology of fish thinking they’re federal law enforcement
Anon hate from the late 1800’s.
What I love most about this is that this person was SO INCENSED at the recipient that they couldn’t even wait the days/weeks it would take for the mail to go through. No, they had to say “FUCK YOU” as soon as fucking possible and, AND, let the recipient that they were not done with the fuck you, nay, this was merely the first volley in what would undoubtably be a dressing down of Biblical proportions.
"I think every woman at one point or another in their life has been called a bitch. For a long time I had a real problem with that word, I didn’t like it and I thought it was derogatory. But I’ve gotten to a place now where I’ve made a lot of peace with it. It’s been so overused and made to seem so derogatory towards woman that I’ve adapted it into an empowering feeling for myself. If I’m a bitch then I’m a bitch, if that’s what an assertive woman is to you. So I’ve sort of adapted it as a badge of honor."